blogbosschar

Yes, I am staying... and this is the hardest thing for me to do. To stay. For some people, to go is challenging. They stay! For me, to stay is hard (or as Sondheim wrote in one of his beautiful songs: "anyone can whistle": "What's hard is simple... what is natural comes hard... maybe you could show me, how to let go, lower my guard, learn to be free...)

This holiday I had do decide if I was going to Brazil or staying in Denmark for the summer... well... going to Brazil: Catching the metro, catching a plane, arriving in Rio, catching a bus, going to a friend's house, 2 days later going to another friend's house, 5 days later catching a bus, catching a plane, going to Recife, staying there for some days, catching a plane.. that is soooo 7 years ago in my life... and I have just come back from Poland where, to get there from Denmark, I had to catch a metro to the train station, catch a train to Malmö, catch a bus from train station to airport, catch a plane to Krakow, spend the night in an unpronounceable city (where I heard Michael Jackson turned into glitter), catch a train to Wraclaw, spend 4 days there (in an amazing festival, where I took pictures with Peter Brook and realized what soft hands he has) than catch a cab to train station, catch a train to Krakow, catch a bus to airport, catch a plane (that felt more like a bus I had to take years ago in Jakarta going to Jelekong), catch a bus from Malmö airport to Malmö train station, catch a train to Copenhagen, catch the metro, walk 5 minutes tog et home, go up 5 stores high (no elevator) get home and sleep cause I had to work the next day...

Well, maybe now you know why I decided to stay where I am. Lying in a hammock, outside our sweet little house on the beach, listening to birds and typing this very text that very few people will read but that will give me a sense of existence, somehow...

Yes, I am obsessed with staying... maybe my therapist, back in time, back in Brazil, back in Rio, so many years ago, would have been so proud of seeing that I stopped! Maybe my dear friend George Furth (that hated the fact that I came to Denmark, to begin with) is smiling in his BROADway in Heaven by realizing that I am not "making a Geographic" anymore (this is an AA terminology that stands for every time somebody changes location instead of changing attitudes and habits that are descructive.

My sister came to visit me for new year's last year, she is now living in London. The day she arrived with her husband, before even unpacking, they started to talk about where they should go after... EXCUSE ME? It was their first time in Denmark and they were already talking about Norway and Sweden... I almost had a heart attack (with my new STAYING OBSESSION) and gathering all the zen power I must have earned from previous life times, I "suggested" that maybe it was a nice idea to concentrate their minds and feet in where they were... after initial defense mechanisms got engaged and disengaged they were somehow convinced to drop their maps and routes and just relax! And then came daily brunches and relaxing biking around and late night chats steeped in hot chocolate and cakes and more brunches and biking and saunas steeped in cold sea swimming and more hot chocolate and soon the holiday was over, they were over the hill with the feeling that to put it into their own words: "we have had the best holiday ever"...

So, next time I sing this "Should I stay or should I go" song again I will probably have the answer...