My Birthday...

In the picture: Lublin, Myself and Fabs Maravilha in Sao Luiz do Maranhao, Brazil circa 2001

Do you know what a hologram is? Well, remember in star wars when Luke Skywalker sees princess lea for the first time? That was a holographic image... Ancient tantric yoga teaches us how to create holograms of the future as we want it to be shaped. The more detailed, the higher is the chance of it actually happening in your life. Didi Ananda Mitra (Susan Andrews), once, walking around the gardens at Parque Visao Futura told me: "Do you see these flowers, the trees, the color of the walls? Everything has being envisioned by me, every single detail long before I was able to start building the park"... When there was no money or support to build up the park ( that is now one of the most fascinating and transcending projects going on in Brazil) she worked from within, bringing it all closer to reality through the power of her visualization...

This is a fascinating subject and I am only talking about it because I received a beautiful Hologram from a friend. She projected how we would celebrate my birthday if she were here with me... while reading her words, so detailed about what we would do, how we would dance and laugh and cry, I lived almost as intensely as if it had really happened!

Thank you, Lubinha... and here I publish her hologram... in portuguese...

Marrrrrsssss!

40 anos!

Estou achando essa data tão boa!

Estou seguindo o caminho dos 40 BEM mais feliz do que quando estava no caminho dos 30... Tanta coisa pra fazer, a realização mais verdadeira começa agora.

Tô achando isso, tô sentindo isso.

Estarei com vc na festa. Vou chegar antes e ajudar com os preparativos. Levarei queijo coalho, tapioca e manteiga de garrafa. Vou colocar uma roupa incrível e vou dançar a noite toda. Vou tomar uma balinha com vc e vou ficar muito louca. Vou te abraçar, te beijar e dizer muitas vezes que eu te amo.

Vou te agradecer por tudo que nós já passamos juntos e por tudo que ainda passaremos juntos. Pelas noites insones em hoteis, pelas ressacas mal curadas, pelas lágrimas que já choramos juntos, pelas fofocas compartilhadas, pelos medos compartilhados, pela solidão compartilhada, pelos segredos de estado, pelas gargalhadas, pela cumplicidade, pelas bad trips, pelas good trips, pelos desentendimentos, pelas cenas bem interpretadas, pelas cenas mal interpretadas, pelo sim, pelo não, pelas mesmas piadas de sempre, pelo amor, pela amizade, pela irmandade.

Tudo isso eu vou te dizer já meio bêbada e vc vai me olhar e vai me abraçar e dizer: lublin!!!! E vou dormir exausta num sofá da sua casa. E vou acordar no meio da manhã com frio. E vou voltar a dormir com um cobertor. E vamos acordar a tarde e tomar uma chá bem quente. E depois sairemos pra brincar na neve. E voltaremos pra casa e prepararemos um curry vegetariano. E vc me contará sobre sua vida e eu lhe contarei sobre a minha. E falaremos mais besteiras e daremos mais risadas juntos. E nos despediremos no aeroporto. E vc dirá até logo, te encontro no Rio pra tomar uma água de coco, num fim de tarde em Ipanema. E continuaremos a conversar sob um sol de 40 graus.

Com muito amor, LUBLIN.

Now is agora!

Ruminar is to ruminate in Portuguese... presente is present, just a little letter added... passado is past... futuro is future... agora is now! How not to ruminate the past, how to write about Now and not about the future? Como nao ruminar o passado, escrever sobre o agora e nao sobre o futuro?

How do we say that in Japanese? Oh no, already catapulted my self not only to a place that is distant from where I am now, I also started to talk to you, the one who is reading... oh no!!! This was not supposed to be a dialogue at all, it was supposed to be a monologue. But now it is too late: I am explaining, seeing a number of faces that change features just like this Michael Jackson Video where one face morphs in to another... Who are they, these faces I see reading these words? There is a bald one... who are you? I don't mean in the present, who are you in my life, what do you represent and why do I project an image of you when i think of who might be reading these words?

I am just trying to tap on the essence of what I am... and not into the essence of this chameleon that reacts towards experiences that were part of my past, projections of my future, all staining the broad possibility of my Present... can't I become a baby that is constantly being born and experiencing things as for the first time? How would it feel If I were capable of, with only a deep breath, start to live in the plenitude of the present?

What would I feel now if I could shut a part of my heart that has been previously hurt and experienced love again just like I did when I was still so unaware of how much pain it could cause? Where did it go, that thing? That light, fresh thing I once tasted? Why is there such a scared cat occupying the space of a being that still wants to... explode with light? hahahaha... so fascinating... just because i did not have a very strong image to explain whatever depth I wanted to fake, I used the expression: Exploding in light. Yeah, Rule number one for pseudo writers of illusionary blogs that will never become anything else than a little scrapbook where 1 or 2 friends will, every 4 months, put some thumbs up, signifying that they did not even read it but are staying in touch through a little graphic icon on facebook:

"how to be very vague and disguise your lack of Vocabulary with esoteric terminologies".

I write and erase, or better saying: delete, right? Cause I can... it does feel like cheating a bit thou, can you imagine if we could just delete right away whatever we just said and wished we hadn't? Gosh, how about that for a Super-hero power? Yes, I want to start to create heroes that could be a little bit more useful to our modern, contemporary needs... Do you remember (Oh, here I go again, talking about the past... It is so fucking freaking comfortable to stay there in where things already happened and we know the end than to be in this terrifying PRESENT where only God knows what will happen next... earthquake anyone? A screw from a satellite, falling on your head, that exploded right above? A heart attack? ) anyway... I was saying: do you remember when somebody would ask which powers you would most like to have in case you were a super hero? You would always be stuck between 3 main powers: Flying, becoming invisible and... probably flying again...

If i could choose... hmmmm...

How useful would it be for me to eject spider webs out of my wrists and swing between the 4 stores high buildings of Copenhagen?

To fly? Too scared of heights, need to be inside of a machine, with my feet touching any type of ground just so I can pretend I am traveling by train just in case I panic, challenging my knowledge in Physics, trying to understand how can such heavy shit fly.

No, invisible is not really interesting either, I have access to where I want to go already and most of the time, in these modern days, being visible is the ultimate challenge anyway. No... but the power to delete what I have just said in case I am not happy with the outcome of what I have said? Oh Gosh... SUPERASE would be my name and housewives, lovers, partners, family members would scream out of their lungs, whenever they said something they regreted; SUPERAAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!! And I would come, as fast as the trains in Copenhagen during the winter would allow me...

And just to prove that I am brave, that I am not writing just to prove anything to anyone i will not delete this silly posting.. Yeah, I am a Hero for that!

AYURVEDA FOR DUMMIES

By now, I guess almost everyone has at least heard this word: Ayurveda... It is Sanskrit. Ayus means life, Veda means science (as in knowledge). One of my works here in Copenhagen is to receive foreigners or new comers into our Sunrise School. This is a School that follows the Ayurvedic approach to eating. Believe me, if I had to explain about it some good 15 years ago, it would have been so much more difficult than now. Now, almost 80% of the people I talk about Ayurveda have an idea of what this is all about. Some even comment: Oh, I saw something about it in Larry King the other day...

Yes, it is all so simple. And complex! So, it is not enough to become a vegetarian only. There are many distinct groups within the classification of vegetarianism. There are the Vegetarians who eat dairy products and the ones who also include eggs in their diets. There are the ones who are very radical and do not consume anything that comes from an animal source (the vegans) and there are always the very flexible ones who "only eat white meat", or "real meat", just once in a while...

And... there is the Ayurvedic group!!! And what is the difference? Well, a person who follows a strict Ayurvedic Diet will have some difficulties in eating in Vegetarian places for 3 reasons, and I will name them: Onions, garlic and mushrooms... and you thought that cutting meat was the hardest thing...

The science of life, Ayurveda. There is so much beauty in reading any of the many ancient, and modern, books about this science and wisdom. My Grandmother always said: Bananas are gold in the morning, silver in the afternoon and stones in the evening. In a nutshell? Ayurveda! That's all there is to it. Some ages ago people were so in tune with their bodies and how it reacted whenever they ate something. It is said, and pardon me for not having an official source, that when sugar first made it's way into European Courts, it was almost a drug. Their bodies were so not used to "that thing" that the nobles would eat some of it and go into a type of stupor, tripping on the sweet stuff! And now??? How many spoons do we need to even taste it? My Grandmother died and with her some of the "old knowledge" died too, things that were never taught in Schools will also perish, or flourish, depending on which super star of the moment will adopt this or that religion and so on and so forth, bless their hearts for keeping it all alive and popular!

So, some food is good for you, some is bad and some, depending on the time of the day (like bananas and cucumbers) will be either beneficial or not.

The Ayurvedic system created names for each of these categories and that is when, if you are introduced to these strange names before getting acquainted with the notion behind it, you give up! They don't sound familiar at all, yes, Sanskrit, babe! Actually, officially, a dead language that has not being spoken for the past thousands of years but still is very much used to describe certain very refined concepts about life and Death.

So, now some hard core, old school, teaching, are you ready?

Tamasic: BAD BAD BAD!!! Food or substances that will have nothing positive to be said about!

Rajasic: IT DEPENDS (on where you are in the globe, which season of the year we are talking about and what time of the day it is).

And finally, the star of the show, the wonderful, one and only, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, I Proudly announce to you...

SATVIC!!!! You can't go wrong here. Whatever you eat, that falls into the Satvic category, will not only benefit your body but your mind and, for those who believe, your souls too!!! Some examples of things (or shall I say elements) that are considered Satvic? Ok... WATER AND AIR! Yes! You can have it as much as you want, suuuureeeee!!!

Yes, water and air are satvic but there are many other things too: Certain grains, fruits, fruits, grains (not all of them) and some more vegetables and vegetables and fruits and grains!!! BUT; ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!!! NO mushrooms... If there is one vilain in the ayurvedic world (natural world that is, cause you could place number one in the list of TAMASIC stuff: Drugs and alcohol) this would be it: Mushrooms... they grow in the shades, no photosynthesis involved in the process, a fungus that will bring strange thoughts, create weird gases that will make you uneasy and thinking of unthinkable thoughts... yes, Lord Voldermort himself could be represented by an inauspicious mushroom!!! yes, we know, some of them have amazing nutritious values but Ayurveda is not only interested in your body. No, it also worries about your mind and, for the believers at the back row, your soul!

So, this was the easy part of the Philosophy. I mean, common sense, right? Most of it at least. We don't need no Ayurvedic Doctor telling us that a life of Drinking, smoking and tripping around will not lead anyone to a place in the sun. And before I continue, I have to say that this is my favorite aspect of it. It is not that some people will want to stop eating this or that right away but actually to go a deep further into the investigation of what will be my body and mind responses to certain foods? I have the obligation to know. I might want some onions in my tofu tonight but I will know that meditation will not be smooth next morning. And I will know why: Onion heats up the body so extremely that, according to Ayurveda, you should only eat if you find yourself trapped in a snow storm. Do we really need all this heat walking around in the office on a day to day bases? And how will this heat affect my mood on a continuous mode? Garlic? The best natural medicine we can have? The strongest antibiotics in the world? But what will be the point of it if I take it everyday in my life? Will it be effective? Of course not, try any antibiotic for more than a couple of months and it will be as good as nothing (plus, the inconvenient truth that it is banned from any pilot's diet before long flights since studies have shown that it slows down vital responses, brain wise!)

So... I like to know these things. I might not follow them 100% all the time but I like to be in control of my body and aware of what I put inside of it and Ayurveda has such a complete catalogue of different types of food and why and what and when that I am a huge fan of it!

Yeah, and we haven't even started to talk about the different types of people, according to Ayurveda... People that are categorized as having more AIR, EARTH OR FIRE and all possible combinations between those 3 elements and all the specific diet that each combination proposes (If you are a fiery person you do not want to ingest fuel all the time, right? You will probably benefit from cooling down a bit with certain herbs, etc). But it does take a good and serious Ayurvedic Doctor to really study your body, your habits and your whole life to come up with a customized diet that will only serve you and no one else but you! And this is another thing I love about it. There is not one body that will need exactly the same thing as another. We are such complex beings, and Ayruvedic medicine acknowledges that. Or do you think an Ayurvedic Doctor will tell an Eskimo not to eat a seal?

Well, just to end this piece (of what is totally up to the readers) I have to quote 2 very interesting people (interesting, to say the least) First was this fellow, you probably heard of him, a very smart, kind of wise guy called Einstein. Is he a genius? Did he change the way we see the world? Well, he said: I do not eat meat because I do not want my body to become a cemetery, holding within the carcasses of dead animals. But let's ignore it, right? Let's focus on more important things this man said such as the theory of relativity and other more complex stuff... Maybe he was not smart in every aspects of his life, right? Maybe he was actually pretty stupid when it came to his eating habits who knows?

The other one I want to quote was also a very controversial guy called Jesus, aka the saviour. I guess somebody said in the Bible that one day Jesus said: It is not what comes in your mouth that matters but what comes out of it!!! And I love it cause having said it all I must add that no matter how little onion you eat in your life, if you open your mouth and only unpleasant, negative and destructive stuff comes out of it, well... I will be happy to show you the way to the next garlic bar, oh, don't ask why, oh, don't ask why...

Miracles...

Yes, more than 20 years ago when I started my journey through meditation, vegetarianism, alternative life styles, India and Yoga, it was a drag to try to explain to anyone what it all meant. There was little written, little interested and Gym studios did not offer Yoga and health food shops were not trendy. Madonna hadn't discovered the joys of Yoga and the US was not in love with Deepak Chopra. I did have a HARD time with my family, looking at me as if I had just turned schizophrenic cause I started eating soy meat (that was pig's food in Brazil). One day my grandmother opened my bedroom door and caught me in my lungotas (type of Indian underwear for men) on a full "candle position". I did not blink, after all I had to hold this posture for 3 minutes but she carefully closed my door and quietly called my mother to say that she was very worried, that something was going on with myself and blablabla...

When i came back from my trip to India I found this same grandmother in a very difficult state, in a hospital bed, with tubes sticking out of her nose and she could hardly utter a word, she had had a stroke. I felt pity for her but I have to confess I had a shaky relationship with her during my teens so, after spending the official time for a visit, I got up to leave. That's when she reached out a hand... my mother and other people were in the same room, we were all surprised by the sudden and rather strong gesture. But even more so when she tried to say something... she was clearly trying to communicate... we all came closer to her bed, she was looking very intensely to me... I came even closer, held her hand and again she tried and this time we could understand: PRAY FOR ME... the voice was week, trembling but we all understood. I could not leave the room anymore... I stayed and in this same night she was taken to the Center for Intensive care, she had another stroke that would paralyze her, almost completely, for the next 8 to 9 years. I could not get over it: PRAY FOR ME. Why me??? The one who had terribly fights with her, the one who even once said, and I do not feel proud of it at all, that I would not shed one tear the day she died...

I asked the Doctors permission to go with her, to stay inside of the isolated area with her for a while... they had to discuss it since there were other people in different cubicles and the scene was not pleasant at all. But since I insisted and one of the Doctors was part of our family, they allowed me to. It was a horrible place, dark, many beds separated by screens with mechanical devices making sounds that added up to a bizarre symphony of mourns and heavy breathing from the other patients around. I was barely 18 but, recently arrived form India, must have given an exotic impression to the nurses and Doctors around me. I had a full grown beard, long hair and only wore Indian clothes, a lot of white long and light cotton shirts with big and white and light pants... I did not know what I was doing but I sat down, close to my grandmother, reached out for her hands. She had an amazingly tense look on her face, as if in pain. She is in a coma, the Doctors told me. She can't listen to anything you say. So... I just stayed there holding her hand and because the sound of suffering around us was so disturbing, I started to talk to her. Not really talk... I started to narrate... in a very detailed way, I started talking about a green field covered with sunflowers, a blue sky and butterflies of diverse colours flying around her... in this setting we were walking and she could feel the breeze on her face and the smell of the green grass underneath her feet...

I know... in a traditional tale of a self-help book this is when something amazing and unexpected happens, right? This would be the moment she would press my hand or open her eyes and smile... well... something did happen... that was not less strong nor life changing than any of the above mentioned scenarios...

There I was, holding her hand... the hand that held mine so many times crossing the streets in Rio de Janeiro when I was a kid... the hands that helped drying my hair, brought delicious food to me when I was sick... this hand was now inside of mine. I was the one holding it for a change... I must remind you that at one point in my life I thought I hated her. Or I did indeed... but, there and then, I remembered the love I once had for my grandmother... it was a profound love that for some years was totally blurred by feelings of rejection from my part, thinking she did not love me at all. I started crying, I tried to make it as soft as I could but I was sobbing, allowing my feelings of love for her to come up. I told her I loved her and it felt as if a heavy stone was all of a sudden lifted off my chest...

Now, the following sentence will raise some cynical and tough eyebrows just because it will sound as if I am saving a punch line for the end but, sorry, this is a 100% narration of what happened this day at the Hospital. It was her expression... it wasn't tense as it was before. When I first arrived there was a thick division on her forehead, as when we have a headache and we frown. Now, it was gone... she looked very peaceful and relaxed. I continued coming back there cause no one on earth could convince me that she was not listening to some of the things I was talking to her. I had to go away again, I was not living in my home town anymore, I had to go... she came out of the coma and was transferred home, where she lived, totally depending on machines and nurses for the next 9 years. Whenever I visited home I would sit beside her bed (she had her eyes open, could move her neck and one of her arms but could not walk, speak nor eat - she received a special fluid through her arm), I would get a mini electronic organ we had at home and would simply sing mantras for hours... from time to time I would ask her... do you want me to stop? And she would softly shake her head negatively. We had many quality times there together. And now, looking back , I simply realize that maybe these were the most beautiful and loving times we ever spent together... When she passed away I was not home... I am glad she died at home, in her bedroom, surrounded by familiar faces... and when I heard she had passed away... I cried. And I still do, from time to time, when I think of that day in the Hospital when my heart opened up again for her...

Oprah

OPRAH WINFREY

Yaw, Oprah... just watched her... she is fascinating, she is larger than life, no doubts about it and I am a true admirer of her strength and talents and got tears rolling down my cheeks when I saw a special program on her life trajectory. But then again... the other day, here in Copenhagen (during the selection of the next Olympic Game's city), watching on TV the Danish Queen coming out of her Palace to receive World leaders, seeing other Queens and Kings stepping out of their cars, rushing up the stairs and shaking Queen Margrete's hands... right after Juan Carlos and Sofia (King and Queen of Spain) ran up the palace's stairs, another car stopped, the door opened and... Oprah Winfrey comes out of it. The Queen is there, waiting, outside in the cold, to shake Opra's hand and escort her into the Palace. EXCUSE ME??? I know she is great and all and has helped some people but what on earth was she doing in a dinner with world leaders received by the Danish Queen??? So, i thought to my self, she is indeed that Powerful... there are so many skits and spoofs making fun of her and watching her today I totally understood why. She can seem so empathizing with the suffering of people around her (even when she has to cut some body's speech, like she did to this woman who lost her breasts due to a wrong diagnosis, to call for commercials). But it can all also be so outrageously disrespectful toward millions of people who do not share her tremendous wealth when she says that her dream person is someone who will talk about buying an Island, or how she gleefully says that the other day she opened her front door and one of her friends had left a white convertible Bentley right there as a friendship gift or when she spends precious Television time talking about a puppy she has adopted and showing pictures of her puppies...

all this is such a spit on the face of millions of people facing difficulties in life. Not that I am against the entertainment industry, not at all, laughing is super Important and bringing lightness to people's lives is also necessary but all of a sudden the beatification or the opening of the World's most powerful doors to someone that, bless her heart, can be that shallow and empty is a bit disturbing. Again, she is a great entertainer but this fascination about her also possesses some distorted and weird components of a relationship that is abusive and the abused part is the one on the other side of TV, thinking she is a saint while, again, bless her heart, she is flying on John Travolta's airplane, pampering her beloved dogs (don't get me wrong, I also love dogs and believe they should be well treated as much as thousands of homeless children should also be well treated) or posing for the cover of her own Magazine. Yes, nobody is perfect, Charlie Brown, and maybe she is just like me: either amazingly deep or terribly superficial... at the same time!!!

And having said it all I must add that she is Supper dupper and I want to be her best friend to discuss death and diseases over champagne and cheeses !

The temptation...

Once again I fall into the vanity abyss... that was not the reason why I decided to write a blog, it was not to create the best impression, to change the world, to change an ant even... and all of a sudden here I am, only wanting to write if it will be beautiful and if somebody will identify and if I will be recognized. Fuck shit hell! That is not what I want. What I want is to let it FLOW, FLOW FLOW... to pop the cork out, to blow the lid off, to let the words pour out and cascade into this empty space... I was missing the words and this flow of expressions that downloads thoughts and feelings and, why not, bring me closer to friends that I don't see for a very long time... these are the talks I would have had with them, with Alexandra, with Ludmila on cold or hot evenings in Rio, Sao Paulo, we would be all together in bed and than we would talk and talk and talk about everything and than at the end of our talks something would start making more sense, we would alternate being totally focused on each others stories or just selfishly waiting till the other shut up and we could tell our own stories... and that was fine... that is how we understand things, when we get it out of our heads and hearts and realize that they are either too ridiculous or simply too genius and we need to do something about it! Yes, I created this blog to reproduce all this talks that I don't have so often here in Denmark... but then there is this trap: Recognition... validation... noooooo, please, I want to write everyday without expecting anyone to read, and then when they do, like Alexandra wrote the other day: "I was missing you so I went to your blog to feel closer to you"... yes, they then know where to find me... and they will see me, and they will know... they will know that today is a holiday here in Copenhagen, they will know that I am fighting, trying to motivate myself to go to the gym instead of staying home specially cause the sun is shining and believe me this is not anything to be taken for granted here in this part of the world.... They will know that I am thinking more of the swimming pool and the sauna at the gym and the shopping center around the gym than the exercises itself... they will know so much! They will know that tomorrow I am going to Sweden with Christian and a couple of friends of ours... they will know that the house in Sweden is the cutest thing. Totally pure, minimalistic wooden house, by a huge and beautiful lake surrounded by a dense Swedish forest where we pick mushrooms while reading in our mushroom book identifying the types... what else will they know? Oh so much... they will know I have been super-busy with multi projects dancing around my head, my hands and my heart. Artistic projects (I am giving a private Theater class that has been sooooo inspiring! I teach in my house, emptied a living room and created a space I call: L'Atelier where I am teaching very refined techniques of contemporary acting). They will know that I am super excited for going to watch the Berliner Ensemble directed by Bob Wilson on Shakespeare Sonnets! Wow! Try to see the images in the Internet! They should know that I am going to Brazil on December and that I am bringing my 2 children and Christian along. This will be so great, it will be the children's first time in South America and I do not want want to miss a second of their experience...

And now... off I go, and promising that I will try not to want to win the Pulitzer while writing for this blog, I promise I will try to keep it plain, direct, honest and wonderful! oh oh... I am impossible!!!!!

Life is Life

Oh, Life is life and it entails pleasure and pain no matter where or what! I remember, years ago, inside of a bus in Rio de Janeiro, in my 20's, a hot summer day, I was simply melting inside of the bus, eyes half closed, trying to preserve energy by moving as little as possible as if any little tremor of a finger could stir the fires of the Summer Burning Hell around us... my forehead was leaning against the window, we were passing by "The aterro do Flamengo" and between the street and the busy traffic and the sea there was a big park, mainly grass with a tiny little elevation mocking of a hill. Before I even continue I have to say that this was a period in my life where I thought I would never meet someone to love nor be loved by someone. I was Young, handsome, romantic (and would like to think that I still am with the exception of the young part) and there was no reason to feel the way I did but I did nonetheless... through the window of the bus, on the top of this elevation in the grass there were 2 beggars... a man and a woman... the breeze was blowing outside, they were facing each other, she was laughing, he was looking at her with awe and joy, they embraced, her hair flew all around her face and they kissed... My heart skipped a beat, I am sure of it... It was simply beautiful, the freedom they seemed to have, the lack of self-criticism, the abandonment of being on top of a little hill, in the middle of heavy traffic around, throwing their heads back, allowing the wind to blow it away... I know, I know, I know, don't anybody give me a lesson on how privileged I am/was, having a house, money, all and all that represents success in the world we live in... the truth is that at that very moment, for a minute or so, inside of that bus, i envied them!

So, in a "blog-prayer" moment I ask to whatever is deep enough in me not to allow me to forget or even lose "that loving feeling..."

Having said it all I want to post beautiful images of a beautiful Autumn day in Copenhagen and the little island of Ven, in Sweden...

Leaving Copenhagen to go on this short trip to Ven in Sweden, this is Nyhavn...

One of my favorite towers in Christianshavn...

As I once wrote in an article to a Brazilian Magazine about Copenhagen: Look up!!! But don't miss what is going down either cause there are inspiring things to look up to while walking around

An abandoned swimming facility in Ven, Sweden...

Are these Raspberries??? I don't know. Framboesa is the name in Portuguese. So delicious...

This is Christian on a bike, right in front of me. Ven, sweden. Such a beautiful place, only 1:30 min by boat from Copenhagen

Arriving back to Copenhagen...

And then we came back home...

Marcello and the Sun, Part I

Ok.. being born in the Northeast of Brazil in the 70's meant that the only protection "against" the Sun was no protection at all cause there was no awareness of the damaging effects of the Sun. The only annoying thing that could happen during Summer Holidays by the beach would be serious Sunburns that beyond the acute pain and sleepless nights only meant that for 1 or maximum 2 days we would not be allowed to be outside and do you have any idea of what a torture it was not to be allowed to go outside, jump in the waters, build sun castles, catch an "alligator" (Brazilian expression for body surfing) and etc etc etc??? So, still purple (red would have been a couple of days before), still feeling that the skin would bleed at any point, after 2 days we would be allowed to be out in the sun again... Yes, no protection at all but the recipes for achieving the perfect tan abounded: Some Olive oil mixed with Coca Cola, urucum seeds and some drops of lime would be a ticket to achieve a Michael Jackson coloring process in reverse! And the fun, oh the fun of peeling off the skin when the water bubbles burst (usually 5 days after the Holidays), It was a meticulous process that was taken seriously for the ultimate goal was to peel the largest area without breaking the shed skin... carefully, carefully, as if treating a patient with severe burn, I would pull, gently pull skin from the shoulders, nose, arms and legs revealing the new, pinkish brand new skin underneath the old, dry and brown one. This lasted my whole life until I became 15... than it was all about The Cure, Siouxie and the Banshees... the Smiths... it was more than music, it was a life style where everybody was pale and Nostalgic and I wanted to be like them. Nowadays it is all known as Gothic but in the 80's, at least in Brazil, this movement was known as "Dark"... it took me a little while to lose the healthy sun "tongue kissed" look but eventually I got there and believe me it really took a while. Now I understand how easy it was for the British singers to stay pale (since it doesn't take any effort to scape from the Sun in England) but in the Northeast of Brazil? You did not need any heavy make up, gigantic crosses around your neck nor long capes. To catch every body's attention you just had to NOT TO BE burnt by the sun. To be honest I was not consciously trying to become anything, I just had a sudden identification with the depressed, nostalgic and pale life style and it was there, outside of the ONLY trendy bar in town, seated on a cement wall (feeling nostalgic, depressed and pale) that my new identity was splashed all over my face when I heard a comment coming from a group of young and golden colored surfers passing by: look, look, a "dark"...

OK, now I can totally confess, now I am old enough not to fear loosing the cool I had to show, there and then, while my heart was almost exploding out of contentment: A Dark! Finally I had an Identity!!! A Dark!!! I belonged to a group and it was a group that instilled respect and admiration by people around, after all you had to respect somebody, anybody, that managed to avoid the sun for long enough to become relatively pale (to Northeasters standards in Brazil)... I totally became a dark after this incident, it was my initiation into a group that had an identity that I so longed for, for so many years, growing up. It also protected my REAL identity that I feared would bring so many problems being myself in the society I lived in. I was not Marcello anymore, I was "a dark" and it was such a relief to belong to a group that would carry me around wherever I went... there were places like: "Crepúsculo de Cubatão" in Rio, "Madame Satã" in São Paulo, "Misty" in Recife, wherever I went, from now on, I would have a "family" other darks that, probably, just like myself were craving for some protection, for a group identity, that would keep people from looking within us and seeing who we really were...

I was very happy being Dark (contradictory to the movement's highest principles) until the day I went to see my personal Oracle, Dona Carminha, who had been "guiding" my whole life through her Gypsy card readings and she told me the words that I would not forget in many years to come: You should not wear black anymore! That's what she said. And I took everything she said very seriously since the day she was spot on telling me I was going to get the job I wanted and I did! I beg your pardon? I asked her, hoping she had said something like: You should not wear bags anymore... but no, I had heard it right: NO BLACK clothes for me anymore since it was attracting a lot of negative vibes to my life. For the first time in years I doubted her capacity as a divine instrument for telling me about my Future! I went home and suffered in silence cause although I loved being "Dark" I was not ready to sacrifice my happiness to the movement itself... well well well... I thought, before putting my black pajamas away and bringing back my fluorescent green T-shirt out of the drawers cause after all it was the 80's, and if "The boy with the thorn in his side" was no longer to be the soundtrack of my life there was still the B52's, the GoGos, and a lot of other bubbly, colorful and happy bands to whom I could listen while basking back in the sun, nurturing the skin cancer that would come knocking at my door, some good 20 years later... but this will be part II on the "Marcello and the Sun" trilogy or whatever many "ilogies" will take to get it out of me!

Workshop for actors in Copenhagen...

About my Workshop for actors here in Copenhagen...

Once, Regina Miranda (now a renowned Choreographer and Director of the Laban Institute in New York, then a dancer who had just had her foot reconstructed after a motorbike accident) asked Ivo Pitanguy why he was the best plastic surgeon in the world. "It is because I have lost count of the number of surgeries I have Performed throughout the years. Nowadays I can close my eyes and know the depth of the cut, I can visualize every step of the procedure and could almost operate with my eyes closed". That was his answer.

Years later, working with one of the most respected, feared and admired Theater Directors in Brazil, Antunes Filho, he also pointed out the fact that a painter has to paint and paint and paint and throw it all away and paint some more on top of old paints until there is something worth showing... in the same way a musician spends hours in solitude perfecting his instrument, tuning, honing, tearing strings and puncturing skin to master his skills. And what about actors? Why do people (some people) take for granted that "it will be there" when needed. The Talent, The Inspiration... George Furth a great friend and Writer (won a Tony award for his play "Company") told me: You've got to have talent to be talented (something that Einstein also said with slightly different words: Genius is 10% Inspiration and 90% action) Antunes Filho really made us all understand that acting is a refined form of art that needs the same attention, same dedication as any other means of expression. The body, the mind, the presence, the voice... it should all be constantly trimmed, adjusted, developed!

That is what the great Theater Thinkers, Philosophers, creators did. Too bad they all died and the whole research and project of their lives became stagnant with followers "perpetuating" their unfinished, ongoing trajectory! It is impossible not to think that "Stanislavski system" would not have suffered severe changes had Stanislavski himself lived to be 200 years old. And the same goes for Grotowski, Brecht and you name it!!! We are lucky to still have living masters that are urging us to revisit the classics with a more critical mind... These are people that took seriously the previous efforts of the "Great ones" but did not get satisfied with the "Development" (or the lack of it) of such "laws".

Peter Brook, Tadashi Susuki, Antunes Filho, Gerald Thomas, Kike Diaz, Pina Bausch (I still count her as a living force since she only died very recently and never stopped provoking and challenging the minds and hearts of the audience), Kazuo Ohno, these are artists that offer us an unique chance of rethinking the meaning of being actors nowadays. I do consider a privilege to have gotten to know some of them personally, to have worked with some of them. They are inspiring forces that motivate me to keep on creating spaces where, just as musicians do, just as writers and sculptures do, we too, actors can spend time in action: doubting, discovering, exploring and celebrating our art!

I am creating a space (just like I had in Brazil) where we will spend time together, analyzing, practicing and experimenting some contemporary styles and let's see where it will lead us. I will start a group now in the middle of September. To begin with it will happen twice a week, in the evenings. I am thrilled and really looking forward to starting this dialogue! Join in, jump on board, let's do it!

nothing at all

SOMETIMES, MORE THAN A GOOD THERAPIST ALL YOU NEED IS A GOOD OLD DRAG QUEEN SCREAMING IN YOUR EARS THAT "YOU CAN DO IT CAUSE YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH". SIMPLY REMINDING YOU THAT, EVEN THOUGH AT FIRST YOU WERE AFRAID AND PETRIFIED, AT THE END YOU WILL SURVIVE CAUSE... let me heeeaaaaaar yoooouuuuu!!!!!

I whisper things in your ears... sweet nothings... Brenda Lee used to sing! Something like that... Memories, like the lalalalala... sang a cat in Cats and Barbra Streisand in 189 different records... I am just a broken juke box sometimes, a little refrain here, a little line there, Judy garland on a Duet with myself and Liza with a Z, not Lisa with an S spying on us... singers, bands, D.I.S.C.O. (She is D... divine, she is I... incredible, she is S... special, she is C... cute... OOOOOOOOO, He is D... delirious, he is I... impatient, he is S...suspicious, he is C... cellullitical, OOOOOOOOO...) and just like that, when i do not know the lyrics I simply fill in with something else. Just as I deliberately change very depressive and moody lyrics just because I believe that we shape our own destiny through words we keep on repeating (be it a favorite song, or a quote or a memory of harsh words that were once spread all over our face). Yes, If a song says: I feel miserable, life is grey and clouds abound blablabla... of course I am not going to sing it like this, sorry, hmmm-hmmm... I am not crazy, thank you very much. I might even like the song but nooooo, not I, I will survive, for as long as I know how to love I know I will stay alive, and so on and so forth... and this is all cause this posting is being written during a very very hot summer night in Copenhagen... which makes me so delighted to say: A very hot summer night in Copenhagen. Do you know how many times you will actually hear (or read) these 2 words put together: HOT and Copenhagen??? I am telling you not really often! But coming back to my broken juke box and my almost obsessive awareness of not singing depressive songs: Thing is: The brain sometimes can be smart as a Genius but it can also be dumb as a lolly pop. Yes, this is my very revolucionary theory... based on the knowledge that if we keep on repeating out loud: Life is Hell shubbydubbydooo, I will always be alone, duubby duubbydaw... the brain kind of registers this precious info, records it somewhere in it's hard disk and... good luck! YES, SAY YES! LIFE KEEPS HAPPENING EVERYDAY, SAY YES! WHEN OPPORTUNITY COMES YOUR WAY YOU CAN'T STOP AND WONDER WHAT TO SAY YOU WILL NEVER WIN IF YOU NEVER SAY: YES! This is the stuff I kind of surround myself with (although I must confess I indulge in a little Smiths here and there... an Anthony once in a while and maybe even half a song from Leonard Cohen - but friends be aware of Mr Cohen. It should even be prohibited by the Psychiatric convention in Geneva for causing sudden suicidal urges and instant depression if you listen to a whole CD on a rainy day in Denmark...) I am not talking about painting the world Pink and Blue and only eating peaches and cream but whenever I face potential disaster (in my relationship, job, etc...) I'd much rather listen to something that will command me to Lift my chin up, search for the light at the end of a tunnel, tap dance on top of somebody's favorite records and move on!!!! And OM NAMAH SHIVAYA cause at the end, the only thing that matters is that: God dwells within you, as you!

So many places...

A lighthouse buried under the sand... one of the most poetical images I've seen in a very long time. Stunning!

I know there is so much to be seen in this world and despite me wanting very much to visit places like Japan and etc I tend not to be anxious about it all and that's why i feel so happy when I happen to be in places I never thought they existed and feel totally taken by the beauty and strangeness of it. That was the case coming back from Læsø, the Island I came to Love and where we spend our summers in Denmark. Me and Christian decided to drive down the coast and every little city we bumped into hid secrets (to me) that are hardly seen (I have never seen) in tourist leaflets along with the Little Mermaid and Tivoli... a Sand Buried lighthouse on the top of a cliff? A cemetery that is falling, little by little, off a huge cliff into the sea? Wow!!! There were also other surprises... Skagen, for example, known for it's light, the place where an artistic, historical shift from "post card-bucolic-cartoon like" painting to harsh, realistic and down to earth styles portraying the life of fishermen and other local practices took place. And to be hosted by, no one else but Lise Svanholm that knows every little story behind each and every painting from the likes of Krøyer, Anna and Michael Ancher and Christian Krogh, was a royal treat, to say the least. A kiss on you, Lise for unforgettable days of fun, culture and food!!! And for those of you who have not been to this part of the Globe, the Museum in Skagen is a must see!!!

Well, here are some images of this trip...

The King, Christian the IX, was misunderstood when he built such simple Summer house. Too small for a King, that's what the local society whispered... Nowadays, this house is a retreat for writers and artists. They come, occupy a room and finish their work in a very tranquil environment. The house has a chef and it is veeeery difficult to actually get a space there...

The Dinning room...

The Living room...

And THE BEDROOM...

Knock Knock... Royal Bedroom... shhhhhh...

We do not want to upset His Majesty from the eternal sleep, do we???

Yes, i am that brave, spitting on the face of death itself... just in the pictures!!!!

Waters of March? No, waters of Skagen

The Beautiful house of Lise Svanholm (a legitimate Plesner's house), our Hostess and delightful guide...

Lise, showing me the book she wrote, a delicious and enlightening book that I better read since she told me I will go through an examination next time we meet!!!

Denmark, and specially the little towns by the coast, have an elegance, a simplicity that transports me back to the 20's...

The lighthouse in Rubgerg... nature that scares, fascinates and is not so in love with human beings...

Truly, one of the most amazing places I have been to...

It is not easy to go all the way up to the lighthouse. You can't see in this picture but there is a constant sandstorm that makes it very hard to even keep your eyes open. On the other side, going down, there is the sea. Beautiful and strong... climbing back up the sandy hill was not an easy task, i am telling you!

That is the prize you get if you dare go down the cliff... Christian convinced me by saying there was even a wheelchair path. It was too late when I finally realized there was no such thing. Now I laugh when I remember I believed it!

The view from the distance...

I have heard about "living on the edge" but "Dead on the edge"? In some more weeks, as you can see, this sweet burial space will be swimming down the ocean... Enjoying the view?

Edgar Alan Poe's style...

When beauty turns creepy...

Cute can be so close to terror... the naive, ingenue and natural have an immense potential of becoming the scariest thing on earth. We all know about terrifying clowns, blond blue eyed children of the corn, fluffy animals that turn into beasts... houses made out of sweets that holds dark and frightening secrets... or even the latest Lars von Trier movie "Anti- Christ" where the scariest scenes, to me, were the ones where there was nothing happening, just shots of nature and a strange expectancy of something very wrong that is about to happen...well...

Here I am in this very cute house, surrounded by nothing and everything seems so "cozy", so natural and enjoyable... until the lights, all fo a sudden went off, the water, for some strange reason stopped running, there were heavy clouds in the sky, sounds of thunder and it is almost midnight... then, all the sweetness and the already above mentioned scenario turns around with the speed of a lightening and we are all fearing for dear life!!! I am not even joking! I actually had images of "The dawn of the Dead", or "The attack of the Zombies" pestering my mind while I tried to step outside the house to look at the dark sky, why did I have to watch so many horror movies in the eighties? All of a sudden this peaceful fishing village took the form of a Zombie colony and us, the perfect victims from the big city, were going to be devoured!!! Of course I did not mention "my plot" to the others, I suffered a quiet and silent, almost, state of panic while they messed around with their own imagination, trying to look perfectly in control. Christian then suggested: Shall we get the car and drive around the Island to see if it is all over? It sounded like a good idea to me for the car felt a bit like the most secure place since we could drive over the zombies!!! It was pitch black outside, i kinda ran into the car and as we drove through a very narrow path of bushes and trees I could not contain my inner images anymore and spoke out: imagine if a zombie smashed his face against the wind shill right now? Christian's daughter screamed in horror as if by just mentioning it I made it happen. Christian laughed nervously while turning on the radio to try to catch some important information (an atomic bomb being dropped or something like this). The antenna had to be lifted up... yeah right... who was going to step out of the car, surrounded by hungry zombies hiding behind the bushes? I opened my window and stretched my arm as far as possible but it was simply not enough! And now the news felt like the only thing that could save our lives, the contact with civilization itself! Christian stepped out of the car, faster than a bullet, fixed the antenna and came back just in time before a faceless zombie took a bite of his leg. Me and Siri screamed in a mix of joy and panic and by now the Zombie plot was the official story within our minds... we drove for 30 minutes without meeting anybody, all dark , until we bumped into a family, a father, a mother and 3 kids, walking with their faces down, in a line, they were all very blond and just added to the picture of the horror movie we were living out. We drove fast... soon we reached the local village and there were dozens of teenagers wondering around the dark streets, all was very quiet, they were probably coming back from an abruptly interrupted party... we heard sounds, there was a pickup truck with loud music playing, a hot dog stand and some more teenagers enjoying the sudden darkness... by now the panic had diminished, we were mingling around real people that only looked half alive because of the booze... thank God it was all very dark cause the three of us were wearing nothing but nightgowns adorned by rain boots!!! We came back home, lit some candles and drank delicious hot chocolate before dropping dead... of sleep...

A hut or a Castle?

I kinda like the fact that the Spa in Læsø is inside of an old church... it feels so contemporary, it gives so many interesting metaphorical readings... one could say that it represents the new religion, the adoration of ones own body, or as hindu Sages say: The honoring of one's own body as the temple of God or as Muktananda once said: "You can destroy a temple, a church, a mosque, but never hurt a human's heart for this is the real abode of God", I like that!!! And in a time where, in Brazil and South America, many art houses, cinemas and other establishments are becoming suspicious churches (where already poor devotees have to leave their monthly earnings to "enter the Kingdom of God") it is nice to see the other way around: Old and abandoned churches becoming living temples of healing and relaxation...

Well... I took some forbidden pictures cause camera's are not really encouraged inside the Spa. This one is from the biggest indoor pool with salty water...

This is a delicious and freezing cold passage for after one of the 4 Saunas...

A view form one of the windows at the Tower...

you can see myself and Christian outside of the Spa...

Now it is myself again with my step daughter Siri (far right) and her friends (from left to right) Marie, Vera and Matilda...

This is a pic from the Spa/Church, the other side of the tower and the view for the charming little town of Vesterø

A view from the first floor of the Spa

And another pic from the facade...

A hut or a castle??? That was my dilemma for so many years... somehow a hut, a simple little thing, meant to be striped of ambitions, a simple life that was carefree and earthy. Contrasting with it there was also the image of a huge house, meaning wealth and ambitions, a life that was all about acquiring and generating more wealth... It was hard for me to figure out what I really wanted from life, until the day i met one very special person and, after hearing about my dilemma, she said: Why not to have both? I had never thought it would be possible but all of a sudden, a huge blockage was undone... both... I liked it so much. It meant I could acquire, I could aim and afford expensive things but I did not have to give up the simplicity and joy of being carefree... I still like it... both... I love to come to this Island called Læsø and have a very simple life, buying vegetables from stands out in the road, swimming at midnight when the sun is still there, wearing sandals and frying Lobsters on the improvised outside kitchen... I also love that this Island has it's own luxurious Spa where, from time to time, we can simply have the most exclusive experience, floating on medicinal salty waters or soak on the outdoors Jacuzzi... yes... both!!!!