Ruminar is to ruminate in Portuguese... presente is present, just a little letter added... passado is past... futuro is future... agora is now! How not to ruminate the past, how to write about Now and not about the future? Como nao ruminar o passado, escrever sobre o agora e nao sobre o futuro?
How do we say that in Japanese? Oh no, already catapulted my self not only to a place that is distant from where I am now, I also started to talk to you, the one who is reading... oh no!!! This was not supposed to be a dialogue at all, it was supposed to be a monologue. But now it is too late: I am explaining, seeing a number of faces that change features just like this Michael Jackson Video where one face morphs in to another... Who are they, these faces I see reading these words? There is a bald one... who are you? I don't mean in the present, who are you in my life, what do you represent and why do I project an image of you when i think of who might be reading these words?
I am just trying to tap on the essence of what I am... and not into the essence of this chameleon that reacts towards experiences that were part of my past, projections of my future, all staining the broad possibility of my Present... can't I become a baby that is constantly being born and experiencing things as for the first time? How would it feel If I were capable of, with only a deep breath, start to live in the plenitude of the present?
What would I feel now if I could shut a part of my heart that has been previously hurt and experienced love again just like I did when I was still so unaware of how much pain it could cause? Where did it go, that thing? That light, fresh thing I once tasted? Why is there such a scared cat occupying the space of a being that still wants to... explode with light? hahahaha... so fascinating... just because i did not have a very strong image to explain whatever depth I wanted to fake, I used the expression: Exploding in light. Yeah, Rule number one for pseudo writers of illusionary blogs that will never become anything else than a little scrapbook where 1 or 2 friends will, every 4 months, put some thumbs up, signifying that they did not even read it but are staying in touch through a little graphic icon on facebook:
"how to be very vague and disguise your lack of Vocabulary with esoteric terminologies".
I write and erase, or better saying: delete, right? Cause I can... it does feel like cheating a bit thou, can you imagine if we could just delete right away whatever we just said and wished we hadn't? Gosh, how about that for a Super-hero power? Yes, I want to start to create heroes that could be a little bit more useful to our modern, contemporary needs... Do you remember (Oh, here I go again, talking about the past... It is so fucking freaking comfortable to stay there in where things already happened and we know the end than to be in this terrifying PRESENT where only God knows what will happen next... earthquake anyone? A screw from a satellite, falling on your head, that exploded right above? A heart attack? ) anyway... I was saying: do you remember when somebody would ask which powers you would most like to have in case you were a super hero? You would always be stuck between 3 main powers: Flying, becoming invisible and... probably flying again...
If i could choose... hmmmm...
How useful would it be for me to eject spider webs out of my wrists and swing between the 4 stores high buildings of Copenhagen?
To fly? Too scared of heights, need to be inside of a machine, with my feet touching any type of ground just so I can pretend I am traveling by train just in case I panic, challenging my knowledge in Physics, trying to understand how can such heavy shit fly.
No, invisible is not really interesting either, I have access to where I want to go already and most of the time, in these modern days, being visible is the ultimate challenge anyway. No... but the power to delete what I have just said in case I am not happy with the outcome of what I have said? Oh Gosh... SUPERASE would be my name and housewives, lovers, partners, family members would scream out of their lungs, whenever they said something they regreted; SUPERAAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!! And I would come, as fast as the trains in Copenhagen during the winter would allow me...
And just to prove that I am brave, that I am not writing just to prove anything to anyone i will not delete this silly posting.. Yeah, I am a Hero for that!
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