The temptation...

Once again I fall into the vanity abyss... that was not the reason why I decided to write a blog, it was not to create the best impression, to change the world, to change an ant even... and all of a sudden here I am, only wanting to write if it will be beautiful and if somebody will identify and if I will be recognized. Fuck shit hell! That is not what I want. What I want is to let it FLOW, FLOW FLOW... to pop the cork out, to blow the lid off, to let the words pour out and cascade into this empty space... I was missing the words and this flow of expressions that downloads thoughts and feelings and, why not, bring me closer to friends that I don't see for a very long time... these are the talks I would have had with them, with Alexandra, with Ludmila on cold or hot evenings in Rio, Sao Paulo, we would be all together in bed and than we would talk and talk and talk about everything and than at the end of our talks something would start making more sense, we would alternate being totally focused on each others stories or just selfishly waiting till the other shut up and we could tell our own stories... and that was fine... that is how we understand things, when we get it out of our heads and hearts and realize that they are either too ridiculous or simply too genius and we need to do something about it! Yes, I created this blog to reproduce all this talks that I don't have so often here in Denmark... but then there is this trap: Recognition... validation... noooooo, please, I want to write everyday without expecting anyone to read, and then when they do, like Alexandra wrote the other day: "I was missing you so I went to your blog to feel closer to you"... yes, they then know where to find me... and they will see me, and they will know... they will know that today is a holiday here in Copenhagen, they will know that I am fighting, trying to motivate myself to go to the gym instead of staying home specially cause the sun is shining and believe me this is not anything to be taken for granted here in this part of the world.... They will know that I am thinking more of the swimming pool and the sauna at the gym and the shopping center around the gym than the exercises itself... they will know so much! They will know that tomorrow I am going to Sweden with Christian and a couple of friends of ours... they will know that the house in Sweden is the cutest thing. Totally pure, minimalistic wooden house, by a huge and beautiful lake surrounded by a dense Swedish forest where we pick mushrooms while reading in our mushroom book identifying the types... what else will they know? Oh so much... they will know I have been super-busy with multi projects dancing around my head, my hands and my heart. Artistic projects (I am giving a private Theater class that has been sooooo inspiring! I teach in my house, emptied a living room and created a space I call: L'Atelier where I am teaching very refined techniques of contemporary acting). They will know that I am super excited for going to watch the Berliner Ensemble directed by Bob Wilson on Shakespeare Sonnets! Wow! Try to see the images in the Internet! They should know that I am going to Brazil on December and that I am bringing my 2 children and Christian along. This will be so great, it will be the children's first time in South America and I do not want want to miss a second of their experience...

And now... off I go, and promising that I will try not to want to win the Pulitzer while writing for this blog, I promise I will try to keep it plain, direct, honest and wonderful! oh oh... I am impossible!!!!!